Captain Jack Sparrow

From Barney Bunch wiki
Jump to: navigation, search
Captain Jack Sparrow (born March 16, 1965) is a member of the Barney Bunch. He is a very gay, sexy, and homoerotic butt-pirate who loves to find treasure buried deep inside gay men's assholes and make gay faggots walk his 265-mile long love plank. He also loves to use cutlasses, flintlock pistols, muskets, and blunderbusses as dildis and cannon balls as anal beads, while masturbating to gay One Piece hentai and Spongebob Squarepants scat porn. Many Barney Bunch members think his dreadlocks are very sexy. He used to star in the Pirates of the Caribbean until he decided to quit because he was tired of being the "punching bag" for Elizabeth Swann and also because he felt that the series have "jumped the shark" after On Stranger Tides. He then joined the M-san Bunch's side of alliance (he didn't become a permanent/long-term member, but he is one of the few butt pirates who truly was affiliated with them), hoping it was the best way to forget about Elizabeth's misandry. However, on January 21, 2014, he joined the Barney Bunch after Drew Pickles, who was impressed by Captain Jack's gayness, decided to trade Tao Pai Pai for him. Since that day, Captain Jack has been an important member of the Barney Bunch, since he steals dildos, buttplugs, and other sex toys from The Pube Gang, The Humongous Bunch, The Hanna-Barbera Bunch, and The Gay Creepypasta Gang to give to his fellow Barney Bunch members. He also works at McDonalds, where he makes the swellest poop-burgers, as well as at The Tool Shed, Drewland's hippest gay bar, as a gay stripper. He is also one of the very few Barney Bunch members to tolerate women (or at least he doesn't smack them to death with his cock!), and because of this, he is an über important ally of the Nonsexist Bunch.

His best butt-buddies are Will Turner, Captain Barbossa, Davy "Tentacle Rape" Jones, Buggy the Clown, Cap'n Crunch, Patchy the Pirate, Captain Featherdildo, Monkey D. Luffy, Captain Hook, Captain Pugwash, Cervantes de Leon, Edward Kenway, and The Pirate Captain (from The Pirates! Band of Misfits).