| Dong Zhuo
| Personal Information
Dong Zhuo (pro. dong jwoh; born October 17, 1939) is a member of the Barney Bunch and one of Guan Yu's best butt-buddies. He is an extremely gay Chinese tyrant who likes to rape Lu Bu in the ass using his favorite dildis, including a giant mace, a ball on a chain, and a rusty tetanus-infested sword. He also has a set of bombs, which he can use to shove up his ass like anal beads and to blow up homophobes. He has three testicles; two underneath his 40-mile long cock, and one on the middle of his forehead. He is also one of the sickest fucks in the Bunch; he enjoys sticking barbed wire up his ass and then pulling it out, while having his cock run over by Edward the Gay Engine and his balls smashed by Gyuki the Penis Boar's giant stone club, and masturbating to the excruciating pain all at the same time. He is also a pedophile, a necrophile, a coprophile, and a urophile, which means he loves raping little boys, brutally murdering them, and shitting and pissing all over their corpses. He also has the largest pair of man-boobs out of any Barney Bunch member, even though he is incapable of lactating.
Before joining the Barney Bunch, Dong Zhuo tried to conquer China and turn it into his super-swell gay paradise, but he was arrested by the homophobic Chinese communist government and was sentenced to exile to Japan. While he was in Japan, he worked for KOEI and starred in the Dynasty Warriors games, until was he caught raping Lu Xun and smacking Diao Chan to death with his dick (however, little did Dong Zhuo know, Diao Chan was soon resurrected by Arachne). He was soon fired after that incident. Tired of people treating him like shit because of his homosexuality, Dong Zhuo decided to travel to Drewland, where he met and befriended Drew Pickles and Guan Yu, and was then initiated into the Barney Bunch.
Dong Zhuo's best butt-buddies are Guan Yu, Zhang Fei, Lu Meng, Xu Zhu, Lu Xun, Xiahou Dun, Dian Wei, Yuan Shao, Lu Bu, Zhang Jiao, Tadakatsu Honda, Ieyasu Tokugawa, Shingen Takeda, Keiji Maeda, Sun Wukong, Dodomeki, Gyuki the Penis Boar, Bubibinman, and Smudger.