Guan Yu

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Guan Yu
The God of Man-Whores in all his glory!
Personal Information
Birthday: June 12, 1952 (age 63)
Zodiac: Gemini
Occupation: Warrior, gay porn actor, Supreme Commander of the Drewland Armed Forces, Chinese language teacher, gay pimp
Residence: Drewland
Nationality: Chinese (birth), Drewish
Heritage: Chinese
Orientation: Homosexual
Groups: The Barney Bunch
Relationships: Lu Meng (boyfriend)
Origin: Dynasty Warriors
Penis Size: 250 miles long

Guan Yu (pro. gwon yoo; born June 12, 1952) (also known as Guan Yunchang, Guan Gong, Guan Di, Kwan Yu, Kan'u, or Sangharama) is a member of the Barney Bunch. He is an extremely gay Chinese warrior with a 250-mile long cock who loves to rape men with his mighty guan dao-shaped dildo (which he named Blue Faggot) and to have rough stinky sweaty gay buttsex orgies with his sworn-brothers Liu Bei and Zhang Fei and his sons Guan Ping (aka Guan Penis) and Guan Xing (aka Guan Shit). He originally starred in the Dynasty Warriors games until he was kicked out by KOEI for raping all the male characters and threatening to smack all the females who tried seducing him to death with his dick, because he hates it when people ignore the fact that he would NOT have sex with women. Pissed off by this, he decided to join the Barney Bunch to get his revenge on them, as well as have gay orgies with Lu Meng and Cao Cao. Guan Yu hates his daughter Guan Yinping because she had been an incest freak (she was either heterosexual or bisexual prior to joining the Betty Bunch), who he always treated like shit whenever she was offering "inbreeding" with him (he always refused). Because of this, he made her join the Betty Bunch. He also hates his youngest son Guan Suo because he is straight and is always jacking off to straight porn instead of providing philandry for men and boys. Therefore, Guan Yu he made him join Waternoose Incorporated.

Guan Yu II.jpg

Guan Yu's best butt-buddies are Lu Meng (who also happens to be his gay boyfriend), Drew Pickles, Liu Bei, Zhang Fei, Zhao Yun, Lu Xun, Cao Cao, Zhang Liao, Lu Bu, Gan Ning, Zhuge Liang, Xu Zhu, Dong Zhuo, Ma Chao, Xiahou Dun, Dian Wei, Taishi Ci, Sima Yi, Mitsuhide Akechi, Ujimasa Hojo, Miyamoto Musashi, Nobunaga Oda, Shingen Takeda, Kenshin Uesugi, Edward the Black Prince, William Wallace, Achilles, Gilgamesh, Julius Caesar, Hernan Cortez, Attila the Hun, Napoleon Bonaparte, George Washington, Genghis Khan, and Gyuki the Penis Boar. Not to forget The Painter.

He is also the Commander of the Drewland Armed Forces, as well as the Chinese teacher at Drewland High School and a gay pimp. His "ho's", as Melee Falco would call them, are Arthur Read, Caillou, Luigi, Shinji Ikari, and Ernie the Testicle Smashing Midget. He is also one of the M-san Bunch's most important allies in the Barney Bunch. Technically, The Nonsexist Bunch allowed him to become an ally, because allies usually aren't spokesmen or spokeswomen, let alone true representatives.

Guan Yu's Pornos 

See here for more info.

Fun Facts

  • Guan Yu's beard is so manly and sexy, there's a chance that it could make any gay/bisexual man looking at it jizz over 9000 gallons of cum, or most of his capacity.
  • Guan Yu always wears the color green because it reminds him of the green shit that comes out of Liu Bei's ass.
  • Guan Yu first met Drew Pickles on May 11, 1985, when Drew was filming his latest porno, Cocksuckers from China. Drew even let him co-star in the porno. However, Guan Yu didn't join the Barney Bunch until March 21, 2008, when he was fired from KOEI.
  • Guan Yu is very good friends with the M-san Bunch members/Nonsexist Bunch leaders ROTK Guan Yu and OVA Belldandy (despite the former being a clone of him, and the latter being female). His other friends from the M-san Bunch include, but aren't limited to, Major Bedhead, Wally Bear, Little Creek, and Danny Dingo.
  • He and The Painter are rivals, and normally compete for the top spot, despite someone, (usually Zor,) beats them in the end. I.e, The Wiki.
  • Guan Yu's arch-enemy is SMITE Guan Yu, his homophobic clone from both the Nega-Barney and Misandry Bunches.


See here for more info.