Ujimasa Hojo

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Ujimasa Hojo
Hojo Ujimasa.jpg
Personal Information
Birthday: August 13, 1926 (age 88)
Zodiac: Leo
Occupation: Samurai, gay porn actor, dildo vault guard, McDonald's fry-cook, TV show host, rapist, pedophile
Residence: Drewland
Nationality: Japanese (birth), Drewish
Heritage: Japanese
Orientation: Homosexual
Groups: The Barney Bunch
Origin: Sengoku Basara (Devil Kings)
Penis Size: 69 miles long

Ujimasa "Orwik" Hojo (pro. ooh-jee-mah-sah ho-joh; b. August 13, 1926) is a member of the Barney Bunch and one of Guan Yu's best butt-buddies. He is the third gayest samurai in the world (behind Mitsuhide Akechi and Shingen Takeda) and he has six testicles. He loves to rape men using his favorite dildo, a twelve-bladed spear which allows him to fuck thirteen men, including himself (he uses the blunt end), at the same time. He also likes to share said dildo with Drew Pickles, Barney, Ronald McDonald, Dick the Clown, Chaz Finster, The Quaker Queer, Arthur Read, Ned Flanders, Guan Yu, Mitsuhide Akechi, Buggy the Clown, and Lord Voldemort, sometimes all at the same time. He also uses the blades of his spear as dildis. Many people seem to think he's the sexiest knight and guard in Drewland. He wore the same parachute pants since 1989. He has been making pornos since 1945, which makes him an ultimate swell legend. He used to star in the Sengoku Basara games (Devil Kings in the US) until he got kicked out by Capcom for raping Yukimura Sanada and Masamune Date and for smacking Nōhime to death with his cock (this is probably the reason why you don't see him in the Marvel vs. Capcom games). He then joined the Barney Bunch shortly afterwards to get his revenge on them. He is also the host of Ujimasa'll Fix It, Drewland's very own version of Jim'll Fix It. After ever show, he always takes the little boys backstage to his dressing-room to rape. His best butt-buddies are Mitsuhide Akechi, Shingen Takeda, Ranmaru Mori, Kenshin Uesugi, Yukimura Sanada, Masamune Date, Keiji Maeda, his own father Ujiyasu Hojo, his own brother Ujiteru Hojo, his own son Ujinao Hojo, Guan Yu, Zhang Fei, Lu Meng, Xu Zhu, Dong Zhuo, Gyuki the Penis Boar, the Quaker Queer, Lord Voldemort, and (for some strange reason) Scorch. He also works at McDonalds and makes the swellest poop burgers.