Umi Matsuzaki

From Barney Bunch wiki
Jump to: navigation, search
Umi Matsuzaki
Matsuzaki umi.jpg
The Straightest High School Girl In Yokohama
Personal Information
Birthday: February 5, 1947
Zodiac: Aquarius
Occupation: high school student, teen porn actress
Residence: Yokohama, Kanagawa, Japan
Nationality: Japanese
Heritage: Japanese
Orientation: Straight
Groups: The Nega Betty Bunch
Relationships: Shun Kazama (boyfriend)
Origin: From Up On Poppy Hill
Breast Size: 45 kg

Umi Matsuzaki (松崎海 Matsuzaki Umi, born February 5, 1947) is a member of the Japanese branch of the Nega Betty Bunch.

She likes to have consensual sex with every male high school student who approaches her. Umi claims to be the "straightest high school girl in Yokohama", and has starred in several critically acclaimed hentais. She had various sex partners until May 1963, when she fell in love with Shun Kazama. While Umi now has a boyfriend, they still film hentais, but with just the two involved.


In casual, she wears a lilac shirt with a pink coat and pink dress (if dressed at all). During school she wears a Japanese high school uniform that features a white shirt with dark blue trim, a dark blue skirt, a red ribbon (second year) Her hair is done in braided pigtails.



Umi at age 6.

Umi was born in Yugawara, Kanagawa Prefecture on February 5, 1947 to Yūichirō Sawamura, the 'straightest man in Yokohama' who seduced many women before being drafted into the Imperial Japanese Navy, and Ryōko Matsuzaki, who was a local foot fetishist. The couple had previously adopted infant Shun while Ryōko was pregnant with Umi, but there was no way they could give the child the heterosexual love and care he deserved; so he was given to Akio Kazama, who had recently lost a child of his own.

The family's life was about to change when Lou Pickles, who at the time was a gay general during the Allied occupation of Japan, imposed new ways of life on the historically conformist Japanese people. Under his occupation, he enforced homosexual only marriage laws and discouraged heterosexual relationships. Umi's parents were up in arms about this and decided to raise their daughter to carry on their heterosexual ways.

Yūichirō spent many days away at sea aboard a supply ship during the Korean War, and on the days when he came home he spent time with young Umi by constantly touching her prepubescent crotch. As Umi grew up she was taught to have sex with boys and she would practice by taking her daddy's 204-mm penis inside her mouth and pussy. Although Yūichirō never encouraged his daughter to openly demonstrate her heterosexuality, it was nevertheless openly demonstrated when Umi started going to elementary school. Between 1952 and 1953 roughly 169 reports of indecency were reported by teachers; in which Umi would use crayons as dildos or draw penises with them, give hand jobs to boys on the playground, and shove sand from a sandbox in her vagina. In one prolific incident, Umi sneaked into the boy's restroom and went inside the stall and when a male student (name undisclosed by school district) walked in, Umi dragged him inside, locked the door and had sex with him. While Yūichirō was away at sea he would get complaints from teachers demanding that he admit responsibility for Umi's behavior, but before any legal proceedings took place, on March 4, 1953 his ship struck an enemy mine and he died in the explosion. The death of Umi's beloved father and mentor in heterosexuality struck her deeply, but at the same time it hardened her determination to carry on his legacy.


The Splooge On The River Kwai (1957) During the construction of the Burma Railway in World War II, Umi plays a nearby village resident who sympathizes with the abuse and forced labor of Allied POW workers. She offers to sneak them out of the premises, under the condition that they have sex with her. This film was widely controversial and ignited complaints from the right and left over what they both perceived as "skewed perspectives of the events of Japanese occupation in Southeast Asia." In a 1958 interview, Umi expressed having no intentions of pushing an agenda, though she praised the overwhelming media attention. The Splooge On The River Kwai was banned in Australia and the United Kingdom.

Sayonara Virginity (1957) Umi reminisces about her sexual experiences with her father. Yūichirō was originally supposed to appear at the end but his death in 1953 significantly affected the production and screenplay. Sex scenes with Umi and her father were composed of older home video footage presented in the film as flashbacks.

Cockfight At The O.K. Corral (1958) In an attempt to cash in on the budding Western genre, Umi plays a cowgirl who has a yee-haw sexy time riding dicks. Filming was done in the Santa Susanna Pass in Simi Valley, California, which would ironically be a hot spot for the Betty Bunch's lesbian pornography industry in the 1970's. Cockfight At The O.K. Corral was not a success in Japan, but was highly successful overseas.

Jailhouse Cock (1958) Umi is placed in a juvenile reformatory for seducing and having sex with boys at school; but because the female section is full, the superiors have no choice but to put her in the male section. This was originally going to be Umi's first film, but was shelved in favor of The Splooge On The River Kwai. A scene where Umi gets fucked by male inmates caused controversy.

South Pacific Orgy (1958) This film was an interesting attempt at combining a cheesy hentai plot with a musical. No such attempt had been made before by any other Speakonia group, and even Homosexual Enquirer wrote in a 1988 editorial that while the film was "against everything the Barney and Betty Bunch stood for, it nevertheless opened the floodgates for the porno/musical genre."

Vertigo Sex (1958) Influenced by Alfred Hitchcock's use of high and low angle shots, this film took advantage of both, particularly in shots of Umi's pussy which is shown a total of 69 times. Vertigo Sex was the most expensive of all of Umi's films and unfortunately for her it was also the least attended, and it bombed in every single country where it was released.

Umi Matsuzaki Visits Ben-Hur (1959) This was the first of Umi's films to be shot in widescreen. Our heterosexual host is held at a Roman Colosseum where gladiators fight with dildis instead of swords and melee weapons, and compete to have sex with her. Umi's costume in this film was said to be the inspiration for Leia Organa's slave girl bikini in Return Of The Jedi. This film was banned in Italy and the United States after a lawsuit by MGM for copyright allegations.

Dirty Pillow Talk (1959) This film was shot entirely at Coquelicot Manor, Umi's house, and unlike the other films listed, had zero budget whatsoever. The cinematography was inspired by Yasujiro Ozu's films, and there are even several scenes that were copied frame-by-frame. Even so, Dirty Pillow Talk made a decent amount of money and received positive reviews from film critics.

Fucking On The Beach (1960) Based on the 1957 novel by Nevil Shute, this post-apocalyptic film features Umi being fucked by all of the male protagonists before they die of radiation sickness. It was one of only two of Umi's films to be shot in black and white, the other one being Psychosexual.

Orgy In Outer Space (1960) Toho had lots of unused footage left over from the Secret Deleted Scene of Battle In Outer Space and it was ultimately used in this film. Unlike previous films, Umi did not have a lot of creative control over this one, and her mother Ryōko, who was recently appointed to the Stu Scouts, contributed greatly to the production of this film.

Psychosexual (1960) The remaining six of Umi's films had their budgets slashed in half and were cheap productions. In another Alfred Hitchcock ripoff, Umi stays at a shady motel and gets fucked while taking a shower. Like Vertigo Sex this film was critically panned for lack of originality, but still made a decent amount of money.

Ocean's 69 (1960) The majority of this film was shot at a casino in Ikebukuro, Tokyo, even though Umi was too young to go inside a gambling room. Production was outsourced to Nikkatsu, which was known for making very low budget films, and Haruhiko Oyabu, who wrote the screenplays for several of Seijun Suzuki's yakuza films, was also involved, even though he isn't listed in the credits.

One Hundred And Eleven Penetrations (1961)

Lover Cum Back (1961)

Romance Of Yokohama (1962)

The Longest Day Of Sex (1962)

The Dictionary Of Heterosexuality

For adults only.

In February 1961 Umi published what was to become her best selling book, The Dictionary Of Heterosexuality (Japanese: 異性愛者辞書 Hepburn: Iseiaisha jisho). Currently in its 11th edition, the DOH sold roughly 34 million copies when it was first published, and since then has been translated to Chinese, English, French, German, Hebrew, Italian and Korean languages, in hopes of Umi recruiting more members to the Nega Betty Bunch. It contains more than 369 sex acts and positions, and is available at 7 Eleven or Family Mart for a mere 6,900 yen.

Not surprisingly, the DOH is banned in the homosexual countries of Drewland and Bettyland, and possession of the book is severely penalized.

Powers And Abilities

The Nega Betty Bunch does battle!

Much like her enemies in the Betty Bunch and Barney Bunch have gained homosexual powers, Umi's heterosexuality has gained her powers as well. She can subconsciously summon the other members of the Nega Betty Bunch in times of need, and although she lives in 1963, she can also time travel to the present to do battle with the other members. These abilities can also create time paradoxes.

Umi claims that it is impossible for a lesbian to rape her and turn her lesbian as well, because her straightness cancels out the lesbian energy. Like all of the other Nega Betty Bunch members, her straightness has rejuvenating powers which help her stay young.


See Also

Shun Kazama

Haruhi Suzumiya

Kagome Higurashi